2010-11-28 - 10:22 p.m.
They all say I smoke like a chimney. Never had I ever seen so many eyes on me, and never have I ever felt like I had to give a shit.
He still lingers somewhere in my memory space. In between cups of my mornings brew, a puff every now and again, and fucking bowie.
Through the grape vine he is giving himself validation and answering questions that nobody is asking him with regard to me.. He is shutting his eyes to 'there is a light that never goes out' and is stone cold at the mention of my name.
I wonder if I will ever see him again down the line. Perhaps in another country, in the supermarket, in a huge crowd, in a pub... Will he still be miserable? Will he have put on weight? Will he have an island princess like he as always subconsciously desired? Will he have fathered many babies? Will he be battling a drug addiction, will he be in love, or will he still have mourned for what he lost? I think too much, I strip it down, I edit, I run, and I hide.
Peachy says he will never ever forget me for I am the love of his life, but I think he already has. We are all replaceable anyway. You can always find someone to keep your bed warm at night, someone who is ready to have a throwdown in the sheets, someone who is and always willing to swallow or let you cum in her face, someone who will allow you to love them.. Is one really any different from the next?
But anyway, the point I am trying to get at, is maybe years and years, and years from now I would be happy to spot him in a crowd (i think), but if I ever saw him now or any time soon, I really may be tempted to shank him then and there. I have no intention of going to jail either..
Fucking first loves, I swear to god..
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